See the title of this post? This statement is completely, most utterly, inexplicably bogus.
Like many others recovering, I always associated weight gain with becoming “fat”. I must hold myself accountable for part of this belief; in fact, I never quite understood how underweight I truly was, and I thought it unfair that of all of the thin people in the world, I was put upon the burden of weight gain. But eating disorder thoughts aside, I do feel that there is another major component that lead me to this irrational fear, and that, my friends, is SOCIETY.
I have recently discovered through my therapy sessions that fears are essentially brought upon ourselves through a reflection of something in our lives. In example, I have a phobia of bugs, cockroaches in particular. My mother also has a fear of cockroaches, as does the rest of my family. At a young age, my mother exposed me to her fear, and, as a result, I have obtained it as one of my own.
In my opinion, I believe that due to society’s current obsession with dieting and weight loss, it is inevitable for us to dread weight gain. There is always another method of weight loss, another source to make it possible for us to achieve the “perfect bikini body”. There are loads of different products to try out, ranging from meal-supplement shakes to dieting pills. Likewise, loads of fad diets circle the internet, from juice cleanses to going Paleo. The social media “body revelations” that, guaranteed, will make us live happier lives don’t quite help with the situation.
Throughout my recovery journey, I have always been skeptical about weight gain. In the back of my mind I knew that everyone in society was trying to lose weight, and I felt that I didn’t measure up to the standards of society. I wanted to join in on losing weight to have the ultimate “perfect body”. But in retrospect, I have come to the conclusion that this body (along with the life that comes along with it) is entirely unattainable. Because how in the world is it possible to be content with the way we look if we are starving ourselves away in order to achieve what we deem as perfect? How is that behavior not going to be sabotage our mindset?
The answer is that it is inevitable. There is absolutely no way for our bodies to properly register our thoughts if it has no energy. Let’s delve into some science for a moment. You know what food is? Energy. Well, in actuality, it’s not entirely energy. Food is food, but once transmitted into our digestive tract, it becomes energy. In fact, food is our main supplier of energy. It fuels our body, allows us to develop, and, most importantly, allows us to use our brains! Without food, our brains are practically useless.
At my worst, I could not concentrate on anything regarding school, my family, or my friends. I completely isolated myself away from my previous identity, making this “diet” my one and only priority. It eventually consumed me. I could not even watch a show on Netflix without getting distracted, or read an entire page of a book without rereading a paragraph over and over again. If I could hardly even participate in such low effort pastimes without the thought of being thin, how would it be possible to stop thinking and come to the realization that I have exceeded the views of society? That, in reality, I have damaged my body to the point of emaciation?
Getting back to the point of this post, let me address my previous association with weight gain to fat. The fact is that an underweight person will not ultimately become overweight. Point in case. It sounds so simple, right? However, I have only recently managed to come to this realization after almost a year in recovery.
From The Biggest Loser to the early morning infomercials, photos and stories of overweight civilians who have lost weight and restored a normal, healthy body are constantly being advertised. Key words: NORMAL and HEALTHY. And just as an overweight person that loses weight looks normal and healthy, an underweight person that gains weight will ultimately look normal and healthy. Distorted body image is obviously another topic, and I will hopefully write another post in future regarding this issue. However, once you have come to the realization that you are underweight, or even underfed at a healthy weight, some reassurance can be very beneficial. What I failed to realize throughout the depths of my eating disorder is that there is a happy medium, and it is indeed possible to reach the point of health and happiness. Note that when I say this, I mean personal health and happiness. Because what society happens to forget is that every single person is different, our bodies alike.
You know what I believe? Screw society, and focus on YOU. What are your thoughts/opinions? Comment them below 🙂
Recovery For A Better Me 